there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
