Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
