She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
