so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
