She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
