You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
