i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
