Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
