I think I won the penis lottery.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
