I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
