Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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