Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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