You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
