i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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