I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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