hotel room ftw
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
