We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize