I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
