I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
