The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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