All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
