i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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