dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize