Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
