I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
