When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
