I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
