Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize