I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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