Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
