yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
