Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
