There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
