just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
