I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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