are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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