dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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