Non-Jews are for practice
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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