i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
