Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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