I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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