he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
