I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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