I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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