My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
