just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
