I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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