it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
