You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Two words: blizzard sex
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
