My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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