My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
