I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
