i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
