I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
