I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
