I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
