I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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