He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
