We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize