She said her name was "party"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
