Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
