If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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