Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
