can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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